Truth Bomb!

Call me crazy, but as of right now I am committed to not one, but two 5k races tomorrow morning, and I couldn't be more excited about it. The first one is in Marietta (Knock Out Cancer) and the second is in North Paulding for Geoff's high school track team (I couldn't find a working link for this race). I will literally be finishing one, driving 30 minutes, and beginning another. Hopefully I can keep my energy up (hello coffee and protein shakes!) and knock out both of them.

I've been doing pretty well on completing my 2-a-days this week, which makes me really psyched for the weigh in and picture updates planned for Monday morning. There is no fit test (thank goodness!), because Monday also marks the beginning of my Insanity "recovery week." Basically the first month is crazy, then you get a recovery week of less strenuous exercises (but it's the same video everyday--bleh), and then month two knocks it into super high ridiculousness. I'm terrified of what's to come, but again, strangely excited and pumped for it.

I've found myself getting way more into fitness and nutrition than I ever have, which is making me think I really am committed for the long haul. I see myself daydreaming about what I will have accomplished 1, 2, even 5 years from now, and also trying to figure out ways to incorporate my new found love into a career or volunteer work of some sort (suggestions are highly welcomed). I think it would be a great way to give back in a positive manner, instead of slinging drinks and encouraging unhealthy lifestyles (no matter how great the pay). An awesome motivational website a facebook friend shared the other day is here. It's a wonderful testament to what you can accomplish if you give yourself the proper time, do things the healthy and long-term way, and really stick to your goals. I've also been checking out this website as well and thinking to myself, I can do that. I can look like that.

I know I originally stated my goal was to lose 30 pounds (halfway there!), but after checking out how amazing those women look, I really think I should shoot more for the 35-40 pound range and focus on toning and building muscle once I get there (if I gain some back in muscle weight, at least I'll still be under my goal). I know, I know--I shouldn't obsess about the scale; it's more about how I feel and look and inches lost. Which is all fine and dandy, but if I were to lose only my 30, that puts me at the very top of my healthy weight for my body type, height, frame, etc. and I really would like to have more wiggle room than that. Who knows, I may feel differently once I arrive, but for now, I'm going to shoot for 35 (so 20 to go!).

I know I can do this.

I know I can keep this up.

I can look amazing and be healthy and fit.

There's no excuse in the world as to why it isn't possible. I remember in high school weighing 170 lbs. at every physical, which is my current goal weight. So yes, if you can add, I started this journey at 200 lbs. (which is hard to admit on the internet, even if I'm 5'10''). That's the heaviest I've ever been and also my breaking point. I remember 3 years ago getting on the scale, and it said 185 lbs. (which is what I'm at now). I wrote it off as my freshmen 15 hanging on and didn't think much else of it. I also remember 6 months later realizing I had hit 190 lbs. I told myself it was okay, so long as I never hit 200 lbs. Again, I didn't actually do anything about it. So, inevitably, I hit my scary top weight, and have held it for 2 years, dropping 5-10 lbs. every April and then gaining it back at the end of the summer. I never did it the healthy way or the permanent way. I never made a lifestyle change, and now I'm paying for it. It's amazing how easy it is to brush aside a pound or two, until it turns into a whopping 30, and then it's even easier to say to yourself, "Screw it. Nothing I do can change this. I like to eat too much. I don't want to give up alcohol or sweets (or whatever it is). I've grown up and this is my adult weight." Well... bullshit. Those are excuses. You look and feel how you let yourself look and feel. And I let myself look and feel like crap. I'm going to change that now. I want to be a good example for my future kids and my family and my friends. I don't want to be an excuse.

Whew. Sorry for that. But I felt like it was a necessary component to share in my journey. On a more positive note--I walked/ran Kennesaw Mountain today and felt incredible. A friend and I walked most of the way up with short sprints and ran most of the way down (I could run downhill forever). As we were running, I shared with her that I'm not much of a distance runner, even though my stamina is much better than it was, and I think I get down on myself and give up too easily. I mentally give in before I physically need to. She suggested that I come up with a mantra to repeat to myself as I run.

"I am happy. I am healthy. I am strong."

And I am.